Of-course my mental health issues, physical issues (and other *Big Issues*) didn't magically disappear over night - I still had to deal with the (ever present) symptoms of mental illness, I'm still worried sick about our housing situation, I'm still jumping every time the phone rings, afraid that the incoming is to inform me that my Dad (who has terminal Cancer) has died....and to put it bluntly, after weeks of restless, stress filled nights, on top of chronic fatigue; I was still bloody exhausted!
So what do I mean when I say I've had a good day?
Today was a good day because, despite having to deal with all of the above (and more) - I managed to get through the morning calmly (whilst feeling anything but) - this afternoon I've sorted 'Littlie's' playhouse (she'll be happy about that) - I've prepared a roast and made the (promised) stewed apple for her tea (she'll be 'very' happy about that!) and, (despite brain fog) Iv'e managed to write a bit.
My diaries (messy scribbles) hold lots of dark, despairing, negative thoughts; bad days - but held there also, are my cherished moments, positive thoughts; good days.
Sometimes, when I'm stuck-in-awful, I take myself (through the scribbles) to a good day.
I've added today to my diary (scruffy notepad thingy) and some 'awful' day, I'll stumble upon it, Littlie will get stewed apple for tea, and I'll feel better :O)
If you're still with me, I'd like to share with you one of my past scribbles, tidied up a bit (a lot) for the blog; It's one of my favorites.. :o)
TUESDAY 31ST JULY 2012
After falling into bed at 2am, and then waking with 'Littlie' at 4am, I didn’t feel up to much at all, apart from screaming perhaps!
However, by seven o’clock 'Littlie's' endearing chatter and usual gorgeousness had worked on me just enough to encourage me to swallow the stress ball that had been stuck in my throat since stumbling down the stairs at 'stupid o’clock', and agree to me and 'Thebodyguard' (that's hubs to the newbies) taking her to the local park for a picnic.
Her enthusiasm as we packed our culinary delights lifted my spirits, and my tiredness; prompting me to invite my friend and her own little early risers to join us.
We arrived at the square just before lunch, and almost as soon as we had laid our blankets on the ground we were joined by said friend, and her delightful twin daughters.
Chatting comfortably as good friends do, we enjoyed our substantial (though not extravagant) picnic, then the more able children (Littlie is disabled) scooted happily around the square whilst 'Littlie' watched, and chilled.
After scooting the girls decided it would be fun to feed their left over sandwiches (and anything else that looked vaguely edible) to the numerous pigeons that frequent the square.
Lovely! Three well behaved (thus far) beautiful girls, eyes smiling, delightful in their pretty dresses, hair blowing prettily in the breeze, surrounded by eager pigeons. An idyllic picture.
What happened next can only be described as a ‘Laugh Out Loud' moment; though I’m not sure the poor bird would agree!
'Twinnie one' the tomboy half of the hilarious duo, bent down endearingly, stroked one of the pigeons lovingly.... then picked it up by its tail and threw it (with more force than a waif such as she should be capable of ) over her shoulder! o_O
Finding itself suddenly mid-air (not to mention breadless) the offended bird flapped its wings fiercely and flew quickly away from its little assailant!
We shouldn’t have laughed, but (though we did check 'pigeon' was unharmed) we did, loudly and oblivious to any ‘TUT TUTS’ that may have been echoing around the square, we laughed till we cried.
I can’t remember the last time I laughed out loud, and it felt fantastic!
We did have the decency to reprimand the offending twin once we'd regained our composure, and couldn’t help but notice that the bird in question didn’t waste much time in coming back for more! (Bread that is, not abuse)
We ended our afternoon with a little sing song, the girls making use of the musical instruments we'd bought from home, 'T' and me caterwauling, and ‘ThebodyGuard’ wishing the ground would open up.
By the end of our little outdoor performance we were treating passers by to a delightful rendition of ‘What do you do if you wanna go the loo in an English country garden’ and everyone (including 'TheBodyGuard') had the giggles.